Strongly-Worded Letter to The Library of Congress

8 June 2007


The Library of Congress
101 Independence Ave, SE
Washington, DC 20540


RE: The State of Your Library, More Specifically Your High Capacity for Foolishness

Dear Sir, Madam, or Guerilla:

I had the distinct displeasure of touring your library in the recent past, and I was abashed to find that you have reached a state of complete disaster. I didn't think that it could take longer for a tax paying American citizen to get a library card than for a witless and constipated Giant Panda to arduously force out a fecal mixture of Bamboo and Pineapple while being made a spectacle of, but after having the opportunity to witness both, you have proven me wrong and, for your part, your inane performance was far more dissatisfying.

That you continued to assault my person with your rigorous and well-executed twaddle and triviality, both in your heinous bureaucratic rules and your disengaged staff, only solidifies for me your reputation as a place passionately against the dissemination of knowledge or the use of common sense. Waiting for three hours for six books while your lunkheads desperately try to remember how to count past ten is not an acceptable way to run a library. Getting a meager one book (of eight requested) after three hours of waiting, only to discover that your employees had brought the wrong book, is gross incompetence on your part.

Your conduct is of the worst sort and variety; I advise you to repair it at your earliest convenience.

Disappointedly Yours,

/s/

Vincent Saint-Simon